Key Hole
by Remmy
Summary: "Malfoy, my finger is stuck in this hole" Well, would Draco help Harry? Fluff, humor, romance, everything sappy!! *Author's note added*
1. Why you shouldn't stick your fingers int...

Title: Key-Hole  
  
Author: Remmy  
  
E-mail: sexy_veela@hotmail.com  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Harry/Draco  
  
Genre: PWP? fluff, sap, romance, humor  
  
A/N: My first every created slash. Be easy on me!! Mostly smut, fluffy, and was intended to be funny. Notice the key word, intended here. Visit my ujournal! I just got it!!   
  
Disclaimer: If I were JKR, I would make H/D a real pairing. Since I'm not, I'm stuck with writing out of my imagination. *sighs*  
  
*******************************************************  
  
"Ouch!!!!"  
  
No. This was NOT happening.  
  
Harry Potter, the hero of the wizarding world, the savior of the world from the evil clutches of Voldmort, was having a trouble. A very serious trouble, in fact.  
  
"Arrrrrrghhhhhhhh," he screamed in a fit of frustration into the empty corridor, knowing fully well that no one, no one would hear him nor help him for a quite a long time.  
  
He was standing in the deserted looking corridor, with his back to the empty and quiet hallway, and facing a large stone... thing..., probably meant to be a door, with an intricate dragon design on it.  
  
Harry would probably appreciate and admire the beauty of the green and silver dragon, if his finger was not stuck in the little hole by the evil looking dragon's mouth.  
  
"Owwwwwww," Harry moaned in pain, and craned his neck in attempt to see his poor abused finger. Realizing for the umpteenth time that it would not have any avail. He sighed loudly, kicked his innocent invisibility cloak lying by his feet, and opted to think how he got into this ridiculous yet very serious situation.  
  
Oh yes. It happened when Ron decided to snog Hermione heavily on the squish armchair by the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. Harry, apparently very nauseated to watch his two best friends engaged in a tonsil hockey, decided that he should go out and explore the wonders of the Hogwart's Castle. So he got out his invisibility cloak, leaving his wand by the bedside table, or more like, forgetting them, and strutted out of the common room.  
  
Bad decision.  
  
He was walking along the Slytherin part of the corridor, reviving the wonderful memory of the polyjuice potion back in the second year, and wondering how quickly time passed. He was having a perfectly happy time. Until he saw this evil thing.  
  
Somehow in his memory-reviving moment, he had failed to realize that he had stumbled into the more deserted part of the castle, and that he had reached a dead end. A dead end with a dragon in its green and silver glory carved into the stone. It looked beautiful. The dragon, which seemed to be glaring, was breathing out silver fire, with it's silver wings and otherwise green covered body with green eyes. Entranced with the beauty of it, Harry had thoughtlessly reached out his hand to touch the dragon.  
  
Very bad decision.  
  
He mindlessly started to trace the dragon, feeling the contours of its body, noticing that the color of the eyes of the dragon were similar, not if same, to those of his. He was still enraptured by the beauty until he noticed the hole.  
  
He had wondered what the purpose of the hole was, and decided to stick his finger into it for a better inspection.  
  
Ultimately bad and stupid decision.  
  
Thus, Harry Potter, the boy who lived and the brave Gryffindor, got his finger stuck in the hole.  
  
Harry, having finished reviving the events leading up to the entrapment, cursed at his own stupidity, and wondered about the eventual events which could lead up to his death if no one discovered him.  
  
'Imagine that, Harry Potter died as the result of getting his finger stuck in the hole. This would make a great headline,' Harry thought in scorn and tried once again to pull his finger out. And once again realizing that it wouldn't work.  
  
He was irritated. His legs are *fucking* hurting from standing for two hours or so, and his finger (an index one) were hurting like shite. It was almost midnight, and the chances of anyone discovering him were getting slimmer and slimmer, seeing that it's after curfew.  
  
Now that he thought about it, even if it turns morning it was very doubtful that any of the Slytherins would help him. Seeing that this is the Slytherin part of the castle. This is not very pleasant.  
  
In desperation, Harry grumbled loudly, "I would gladly give my virginity to whomever that would get me out of this stupid predicament." Yes, Harry Potter, in his seventh year, was a blushing virgin. (Harry sends evil glare towards Remmy) Well, maybe not the blushing part. ^^;...  
  
As on cue, an artificial cough alerted Harry that he may well soon give up his virginity, he turned his tired eyes to the welcomed intruder. Or not so welcomed, in this case.  
  
In the empty corridor, there stood Draco Malfoy, with his trademark smirk, all accounted for.  
  
"Potter? What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Blushing heavily, Harry coughed and replied, "Well, What are you doing here?"  
  
"Me? This is the door to my room, so if you would kindly step out of the way... Oh, and did you say something about giving up virginity?"  
  
Even in his state of pain, he remembered that Malfoy was the head boy, therefore had his own room. Which means that only person who could possibly get him out was Draco Malfoy, and the person who he would give out his virginity to would also be Draco Malfoy. Harry shuddered in horror or the happiness of it. We, the readers, would never know.  
  
"Well.... er..... that's the problem.... I can't get away from the door," Harry said, blushing like a bride on her wedding night and effectively avoiding the virginity question.  
  
"What do you mean a problem? It's not that complicated to take a step away from the only entrance to my room so I could get some sleep," Draco sneered, "I hate errands," he added as if an afterthought.  
  
"Er... Have I told you lately how ....er... great you were?" Harry said, hoping that he might gain some sort of favor from Draco so he can get his finger out.  
  
Silence.  
  
"No, Potter. But, do tell, what do you want?"  
  
A very suspicious glace from Draco.  
  
An Embarrassed cough from Harry.  
  
"Malfoy, my finger is stuck in this hole"  
TBC...  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Ó?Remmy  
  
September, 2002  
A/N: First chapter done!! So...was it any good? Any suggestions, flames, whatevers to sexy_veela@hotmail.com!! 


	2. No way no fucking way

Title: Key Hole  
  
Author: Remmy  
  
E-mail: sexy_veela@hotmail.com  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Harry/Draco  
  
Genre: PWP? fluff, sap, romance, humor  
  
A/N: Special thankies to.... Missy Wong! Thank you for proofreading, and you are just about the greatest person I met on-line~! Also...My name... has double 'm' now because when I was getting an account at fictionally, someone already had Remy. Thus, I'm stuck with double 'm'...  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Utter and complete embarrassed silence (mainly on Harry's part) swept Harry and Draco until Draco burst out laughing from the sheer absurdity of the whole situation.  
  
"Your finger," a wheeze "got stuck," a laughter "in that hole," Draco finished, and fell into another fit of laughter.  
  
Embarrassed silence from Harry.  
  
"So, you only have me to get you out of this... hole"  
  
Harry sincerely wished that his finger were out of the hole so he can strangle Draco.  
  
"Yes, Malfoy. Don't just stand there! HELP!"  
  
"You are hardly in a position to yell or snap at me like that. I can just leave you here if I feel that you don't deserve my help. (Remmy: that didn't sound snobby at all Draco) And, since I'm a very private person, no one virtually ever comes here except me...and not to mention that only the resident of this room can free you, which would be...." Draco trailed off leaving Harry to guess what he just insinuated.  
  
"What do you want me to do Malfoy? Beg? Kiss your toe after you let me out? What the hell is this hole anyways?"  
  
"The hole, the one with your finger in it," chuckle from Draco and a glare from Harry "is a key hole."  
  
"A key hole? Don't you have magic to open the door? And must you emphasize that my finger is stuck in the hole every single time?"  
  
"Well, the room was built way back in mid 13th century, and back in the time, magic wasn't fully developed. Thus keys were used. I did a research on this room, seeing that it's one of the oldest rooms in the castle, and as far as I know, the room had a special enchanted charm to prevent intruders. And yes, I have to emphasize."  
  
A smirk from Draco.  
  
A glare from Harry until he digested sentences that Draco had said earlier.  
  
"Wait.....What kind.... of charm?" Harry asked, now scared.  
  
"Well....er...." Now, it was Draco's turn to blush.  
  
"What? Do they make you cut off your finger or anything painful like that?"  
  
"Remember what I said about only me being able to free you and stuff like that?"  
  
"Yeah...?"  
  
Harry was starting to get VERY scared.  
  
"Erm..." Draco fidgeting, "like I said, when I did the research on the room, I learned some ... interesting facts..."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"This room belonged to Salazar Slytherin, who LOVED privacy and... eh....sex"  
  
Chocked noises from Harry plus incredulous eyes and a disgusted face expression to top it off.  
  
"The books you read actually SAY that?"  
  
"Well, no. But it was kind of obvious."  
  
"What do you mean? What kind of books you read anyways? Sex Life of the Founders?"  
  
Blush from Draco.  
  
"OH MY GOD! There is such thing? And you READ them?"  
  
"NO!" Very forceful reply. "I mean, no."  
  
Draco was busy observing at the floor while Harry raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Really...?"  
  
"No, Potter. And no, no more objections. Do you want finger out or not?" more calmness could be heard from Draco since he has the power now.  
  
"Well, fine. But, what does Salazar's sex life has got to do with this?"  
  
"I'll explain it in the moment, just listen to me! Merlin!"  
  
"Fine!" Harry was tempted to stick his tongue out. But then again, there was that maturity thing and oh, forgot. He needed Draco...................To help him get his finger freed!! Gee what were YOU thinking?  
  
Draco looked Harry with frowns in his face because Harry was glaring at... nothing.  
  
"Er... anyways...before I was SO rudely interrupted, the founder liked privacy SO much that he decided to put some charm on the door's guardian figure, thus the dragon."  
  
Harry nodded, all traces of mirth gone, half-scared of what would happen.  
  
"If anyone, not approved by the permanent resident of the room attempts to break in, the charm activates, capturing the intruder in any way the dragon sees fit."  
  
"And, let me guess, it decided to trap my finger."  
  
"Yes, brilliant observation, Potter. Now, remember what I said about Salazar's other favorite thing?"  
  
"Sex?"  
  
"Yes, and this is where this complication comes in."  
  
"Complication?"  
  
"Depends on how you think. If you are perverted enough, which is very possible, it could even be interpreted as some sort of blessing"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"The early form of this curse, forced the..er.. victim to have sex with Salazar or er... with the current resident of the room."  
  
"WHAT? NO! I don't want sex! Hey! Wait! You said EARLY! So it must've changed now!!" yelled Harry, with relief.  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"What do you mean?!?!"  
  
"You see, the first 'victim' that got caught wasn't really up to Salazar's standards."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"Erm... It was some...house elf... and since the charm was on, Salazar was forced to have sex with him."  
  
"An elf? And a 'he' elf at that? What was the unfortunate elf's name anyways?"  
  
"Dicky."  
  
"Dicky?"  
  
"Dicky."  
  
"Honestly, Dicky?"  
  
Laughter from Harry.  
  
"Yes! Dicky. Gee!! Grow up, Potter! If I remember correctly, he was some sort of great-great-great-... ah forget it. Just add lots of 'great's, -grandfather of Dobby."  
  
"DOBBY? Dobby's long-time ago relative, I mean his ancestor, had sex with Salazar?"  
  
"Yes. It was in the book and Dobby used to brag about his distinctive relative's one-night stand with the famous figure to his fellow house elves. I overheard him. Though, I never knew it was Salazar until the research."  
  
Disgusted sounds from Harry.  
  
"That's.... nasty. So, did he get any more?"  
  
"Well, yes, but the victims didn't get much better."  
  
"Oh. Why? Who is it this time? Passing giants? Mountain trolls?"  
  
Silent nodding from Draco.  
  
"MERLIN'S BEARD!! That's sick! Anything else?"  
  
"Well, if it makes you feel much better, the giant is Hagrid's ancestor."  
  
"No, it doesn't. Doesn't Salazar get to choose whether he wants to or not?"  
  
"Well, no. Apparently, he couldn't find the way to be choosey. It was all or nothing condition. And seeing he had greasy hair and a bastard-y personality to rival that of Snape's, he couldn't get it on his own."  
  
"But, really... Elves, trolls and giants? That's low!"  
  
"Yeah.. Anyways, the experiences shocked Salazar SO much after few sessions that he took the charm off..."  
  
"That's good, then!"  
  
"...until he replaced the charm around his eighties, since he wasn't getting any at all."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And he forgot to take off the charm before he died, and no one knows how to take it off, since the charm was modified. Well, maybe except Voldemort, seeing this charm is dangerous and he probably doesn't get any neither with his dysfunctional body."  
  
Snickers from both Harry and Draco.  
  
"What happens if you refuse?"  
  
"It wasn't noted in the book, but it insinuated that refusal would damn the person to hell, including the resident, and bordering along painful deaths"  
  
"And Salazar was actually dumb enough to cast that and not take it off? And Dumbledore gave the room to you?"  
  
"Well, I made it clear to Slytherins that no one is to approach unless you want painful death, but I didn't bother to announce it to the school since this is part of Slytherin corridor...."  
  
Draco trails off, swearing under his breath.  
  
"So what you are saying is....?"  
  
Uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Yes, Potter. You and I have to have sex."  
  
TBC.. (because if I said it's over, you'd all kill me...^^;...) So... would there be a loophole out of this situation?  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Remmy  
  
October, 2002  
  
Thanks to : amy, JadeDragon, celestinne, Zahrah Radcliffe, Elvin Goddess, ruz, Mistwalker, Lady Doncaster, Skye, Elenas, Evil laughter, franthephoenix, Michelle, fangirl, Unknown Slytherin, Nadia I. Rey ......I hope I didn't miss anyone... If I did, you are welcome to yell at me at... 


	3. Well that sneaky bastard

Title: Key Hole

Author: Remmy

E-mail: sexy_veela@hotmail.com

Site:   


Rated: PG-13

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Genre: PWP? fluff, sap, romance, humor

A/N: Er.. hello! *dodges tomatoes thrown* I really hope you guys remember the fic.. it's been awhile, eh? Anyways.. I won't bore you with how much I was busy and stuff... Hey!! At least I didn't make up the loophole! Well, onto the fic!

*****************************************************

"NO WAY!! NO FUCKING WAY!" Harry started to scream after a minute of silence.

"Well, looks like the news just sunk in... Potter, do you think **I **want to?" sneered Draco, seemingly not pleased with the situation at all.

"There must be SOME way out of this! Didn't the book say anything? There must've been SOMETHING!" said Harry, hyperventilating.

"Potter, you are hyperventilating. Don't get worked up over it now. We haven't even started it yet."

Smirk from Draco, slightly amused with Harry.

"I am NOT!! You sick bastard!" said Harry, hyperventilating even more.

"Are we doing this, or are you going to stay here with that... problem," snickered Draco.

"Fine. But...how do we do this, if uh...my finger's stuck? Besides, we are out in the hallway! Anyone could see us!"

"Very good observation. I would have to free you first from the hole if we are going to do this at all. Then, we have some time to recuperate, and well... some time to 'get worked up to it', as the book said." 

"Seriously Malfoy, what BOOK did you read?"

"I will not dignify you with that answer."

"How long do we have until you know...?"

"You are a big boy now Potter, I'm sure you can say it. Repeat it after me. 'Sex'."

Draco was rewarded with a BIG glare on Harry's behalf. 

"Oh, and we have an hour or so.. I think.." added Draco, smirking.

Harry taking determined breaths.

"All right, free me and let's get this over with."

"Took you long enough. _Finite Incantatum_"

With an audible 'pop' Harry's finger slid out of the hole, looking all innocent as if it didn't cause any trouble at all. Harry glared at the offending hole, the finger and the dragon.

"Now, let's move to a more comfortable place, shall we?"

With that Draco murmured password into his room (Draco is a sex god) and the Dragon, which tortured Harry before, let them pass, but not before sending a surreptitious wink obviously meant for Harry.

****

The room was gorgeous. Let's just clarify that before the plot, if such thing exists, advances.

Of course, Harry wasn't going to admit that to this soon-to-have-sex -with rival. It was almost like a miniature version of the Gryffindor common room except that there was a huge leather couch, few bookshelves filled with books, a little mahogany desk and the fact that the room was decorated in silver and green. Also, there was a king sized bed in the midst of the room, adorned with green silk sheets, all screming 'money!'

Wanting to feel the silk, Harry sat down on the edge of the gigantic green silk bed. Draco sat on his leather couch, looking all very... sexy.

"Hey, Malfoy?"

"What, Potter?"

"Shouldn't we... er... read through the book of yours to see if there is any loophole out?"

"There isn't a loophole! I read the section, since it concerns my room and all!!" said Draco, almost frantically.

Harry just scrutinized Draco meaningfully.

"What? You don't trust me or something? Believe me Potter, fucking you isn't what I fantasize about every night in bed."

"You fantasize?"

"NO! That's beside the point, you stupid git! Pay attention!" yelled Draco, with a suspicious red tinge in his cheeks.

"You do!! Awww...well... that's disturbing. Who do you fantasize about, anyways? Is that why you asked for the room? You actually fantasize about me, don't you? You actually don't have to have sex with me, but you are just making up, aren't you?" taunted Harry, his problem now temporarily forgotten.

"NO! God, you are stupid!" with that Draco rose, walked over to the bookshelf, picked up a book and threw it towards Harry.

"I knew you'd show me the book."

Draco just scowled and mumbled.

With a triumphant grin, Harry picked up the book and examined the cover. _ Quiddich and it's History _

"Uh... you gave me the wrong book."

"The book's double bound." was the nonchalant answer.

"What?"

"It's double bound. God, Potter! Doesn't Weasley own a double bound book, or Granger?"

"Whatever it is, I don't think so."

"Well, double binding equipment is expensive."

"I don't care. I just want to see the book."

Irritated sigh. Draco walked over to the bed and tapped the cover three times. Almost instantly, the book turned itself out, and the cover changed to a different book. Titled, _Salazar Slytherin, the Fabulous Slytherin Sex God._

Almost instantly, Harry burst out laughing. 

"That's the name of the book??"

Draco grumbles.

"That's why it's double bound... If you tell anyone about it, I'll tell everyone that you were begging to have sex with me."

"Huh, like they will believe you. What is double binding anyway?"

"Well, it's for rich wizard boys to hide porns and such. See, you take a very academic book, say... _Hogwarts: a history_, and take a _Wiz-boy _magazine and magically bind it with the right binding tool, and now you have 2 books in one. All you have to do is think of the book you want to read and tap the cover three times. The binding equipment IS expensive, mind you."

"Oh.. Well, tell me where the thing about sex is!"

"Eager, are we, Potter?" With that, Draco flipped to chapter 14 which was titled, _Salazar and his ploy._

More laughter from Harry.

"Merlin.. Who wrote this book anyway?" still chuckling, Harry started to read the text.

__

During when Salazar, the sexy founder of Hogwarts, was thirty, he realized his deep and everlasting love for Godric Gryffindor. However, Gryffindor was currently in an affair with the Minister of Magic. To overcome the grief and to have a chance at having a sexual adventure with Gryffindor, Salazar set a charm around his protector guardian.

The charm, was deceivingly simple yet very dangerous. The effects were what Salazar was looking for. A one night of sexual relation, with the violator. It was very simple to create the spell. All he had to do was to combine a privacy charm with an obligatory charm, and added a little bit of sexual arousal charm. (For more information on the charm, refer to appendix F)

However, there were some minor glitches in the charm. Salazar must have sex with everyone and anyone that gets trapped by the door, or he would be subjected to sell his soul to the devil. Back then, meetings with devils were common occurrences...

With disgusted sigh, Harry snapped the book shut and placed it on the bed.

"God.. I read enough. I believe you, Malfoy. Ugh.. Slytherin wanted to knock up Godric Gryffindor? I must repeat, who WROTE this?"

"I told you that it was true. I don't know who the author is.. he or she chose to remain anonymous for some reason."

"Hard to wonder why. Anyways... Malfoy, let's get this over with."

"Well, then. Strip, Potter."

***

"Eh.. Malfoy?" asked one very red and naked Harry.

"WHAT? I'm trying to concentrate. God, you are skinny!" said Draco looking up from the task of disrobing. It takes concentration, you see.

"Who.. uh.. gets to be on the top?"

"Me, of course! Haven't you read what the book said? Wait.. you haven't. It's in the appendix."

"Oh.." and Harry raised his eyes to meet Draco's and _accidentally_ skimmed through his endowment, and blushed even further.

Smirking, Draco turned away from Harry, and bent down to pick his clothes up. Flashing his arse. 

Harry's breathing hitched.

"Well, lie down, Potter."

Big gulp from Harry.

***

"I feel like as if I'm deflowering a virgin." said Draco, atop of blushing Harry.

"Well... technically..." Harry blushed more, if that was possible.

"Oh, god. You are a virgin?" snickered Draco.

"Shut up, Malfoy. Just shut up."

"Don't worry, Potter. I'll make it good. You may call me Draco when you are coming."

Glare from Harry.

"Well, here it goes. Relax Potter. It's going to feel good. _Lubricare_"

All Harry thoughts disappeared along with this virginity as Draco performed a miracle with his fingers.

As they started their sensual love making, neither boys realized that the book fell from the bed and landed on the floor, automatically opening to the appendix, read so many times that even the words looked worn.

_...the future residents of the room, after Slytherin's death, had all tried to take off the charm or modify the charm in some way. It was impossible to get rid of the charm completely, for the original version was modified by Salazar himself. However, one resident had succeeded in modifying the charm in the 18th century, and had managed to ensure that the victim were only caught if the resident has a strong feeling of love for the intruder. The protector guardian, completely aware of the resident's feeling, would sense whether the person trying to encroach has an aura of love from the resident. If so, the charm activates, serving its purpose. If the violator is not loved by the resident, the victim is then burnt to a severe degree without any pity from the protector guardian...._

At the margin of the page, there was a small, almost illegible writing unmistakably written by Draco - _Harry_.

well.. that sneaky bastard Draco...^.~

*****************************************************

Remmy

March, 2003

Thanks to.... **xing **(thanx for that excessive reviews! truly inspiring, I must say ^.~), **Orange **(my first chapter 2 reviewer!), **Lily** (Harry's not THAT dumb...^^..), **Fanny chan, Bienfoy, Zacarane, ruz, Rings of Saturn **(that's right! no loopholes!!), **Zahra Radcliffe, BigMamaG **(yeah.. it was a foreshadowing of what was to come..dun dun dun..), **Adele, Celeste, Gia, Lunadeath** (eh... melts... I'm a sucker for chibi eyes...btw, I love your stories! Protege is the best!), **JadeDragon, Evil Laughter **(no loopholes! you wish is my command!!), **lip** (actually.. you don't want to know where it came from....trust me), **harrypotterfreak, Slashybubble, TheUnknownJedi, Lvlysenbei **(yeah.. Dicky was the idea that popped into my head at the last minute..), **Katie of Gryffindor **(yes he is! btw, I love your stories as well!), **c, OracleVortex, Rachel, Benji's_babe, SEP, me, babyphoenix** I hope I didn't miss anyone... If I did, you are welcome to yell at me at... 

Well... should I write the sex scene? Or should I just allude to it just as I have now? 

Oh, btw.. if you guys want me to e-mail the next chapter.. although there is only 2 or so more chapters to go (^^;..stupid me for not thinking of this earlier..), leave your e-mail when you review!


End file.
